The Twelve Days of Christmas
by Eccia
Summary: A little parody of The Twelve Days of Christmas with a secret Santa twist.Added: Seeley the GMan and a parody of Do you hear what I hear? The Rumor Mill
1. The Twelve Days of Christmas

A/N: For the Most Part, all of this is real… until it got late and it was hard to change drummers drumming, so the gift for that, I actually made up. Sorry! Anyways, enjoy!

The Twelve Days of Christmas

The First Day

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree.

She was tired, she had just gotten back from a rather rough crime scene with Booth and the skeletons would be arriving shortly.

As she opened the door to her office, she noticed a wreath hanging on it that was not there before she left with Booth that morning. Sighing, she walked into her office to get a bottle of water and noticed the basket on her desk.

A basket of pears. A red note.

Typed neatly on the red piece of paper was one line:

On the first day of Christmas, my secret Santa gave to me a basket of pears for free.

"Bones?" he walked into her office, "your bones are here. Hey, what's that?" he noticed the note in her hand.

"I don't know," she brushed it off and picked up a pear and took a bite, "These are really good," she handed the note to Booth and sat down in her chair while he read it. She took another bite and watched him.

"Someone has a secret admirer," he laughed, "Let me try one," he reached to grab a pear from the basket. She swiped the basket from the desk to her lap in one quick motion.

Swallowing at much of her most recent bite she could, she mumbled out "Getch yur own baschket of pearsh!"

"What was that Bones? I can't understand you when you talk with your mouth full. Didn't you learn to swallow before talking," he laughed.

Finally able to swallow, "I said get your own basket of pears! And while you're at it, get your own secret Santa," she smiled triumphantly as he walked out of her office. She hid the basket to make sure he wouldn't come back and try to steal one before heading out onto the platform to look at the skeleton.

The Second Day

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

The next morning was a lot colder than it had been in days, and Dr. Brennan regretted not bringing a scarf to work. She was out all morning talking to the victim's family, who insisted on talking with them outside.

Returning to the lab, she was grateful someone else enjoyed to comfort of heat and set to work on the skeleton. By lunchtime, Booth was back to shove her off to eat, claiming she didn't eat enough, despite the pear fiasco of the day before.

"Just let me go get my coat," she said, swiping her card off of the platform and walking into her office. Booth was right on her heels.

"What did secret Santa get you today?" he asked, jokingly.

"Nothi-" she stopped noticing another red note on her desk on top of the day's gift.

She picked up the paper and read it.

On the second day of Christmas my secret Santa gave to me two purple gloves and a basket of pears for free.

Looking down she saw the pair of gloves on the desk, arranged to hold another pear. Rolling her eyes, she handed the note over to Booth's outstretched hand. He read it and smirked.

"Looks like your secret admirer noticed you were cold this morning. Grab the gloves and your coat and let's go, I'm hungry. I couldn't find your little pear stash," he said reaching for the pear to get a slap on the hand.

"My pear," she asserted, slipping the gloves on and her coat, taking the pear with her.

The Third Day

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

Growing curious, Brennan thought to stay in her office all morning. She was behind on her latest book and it gave her a good excuse to remain in her office.

Downing her fifth… or was it sixth cup of coffee of the morning, it hit her, someone kept providing the coffee… and coffee made you have to go to the bathroom.

Dr. Brennan sat, a little uncomfortably, in her chair, weighing her options. She could go to the bathroom and hope her secret Santa didn't show or she could sit there until her bladder burst. She chose the former and ran out of her office. Hopefully Santa will bring something nice today.

Returning to her office, she saw just that. Santa set her up with coffee to provide an in to her office. Sitting on her desk was another red note.

She picked up the paper and read the italic typing scrawled across the page.

On the third day of Christmas my secret Santa gave to me three French pens, two purple gloves and a basket of pears for free.

Looking on the desk she saw a trio of pens triangulating around a pear.

She looked at the note again.

Today's gloves went to help the poor children who don't have warm clothing for the winter. I'm sure you won't mind.

Dr. Brennan smiled. Helping charity while giving her a rather large Christmas present. She picked up the pear and took a large bite. Then examined the pens. They were French pens, a flag of France on one, the Eiffel tower on another and the Arc de Triumph on a third. She always thought France was a beautiful place to go and put the pens with the rest in the cup on her desk and set back to her writing.

The Fourth Day

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

Today would be the fourth day of gifts. She now started to expect them when she left her office and came back.

Although she still wanted to catch her secret Santa, she was curious what he would come up with next. Or she. Dr. Brennan had no clue if her secret Santa was a man or a woman.

Tired from the day and discouraged she hadn't received a gift from her Santa, she unlocked her office for a file folder she'd forgotten when she left fifteen minutes ago.

There, on her desk was another red slip of paper.

On the third day of Christmas my secret Santa gave to me four brawling nerds, three French pens, two purple gloves and a basket of pears for free.

Behind where the note was placed was a framed photo of Zack, Hodgins, Cam and Angela in a heated debate. She smiled at the picture, trying to remember what the argument was about. Most likely one of Zack and Hodgins' experiments. Behind the photo frame was a pear propping up the frame. She smiled and picked up the pear and placed the photo with the rest of her collection on her desk.

As for French pens… I'll leave those to the French. They have more use for them.

Dr. Brennan smiled and placed the note with the rest of them, she was starting a collection.

As she was about to lock her office for good that evening, she turned around to look at the picture again. Who had taken it? Where was she when it was taken? Who would call the four of them nerds? It was taken in the lab, and rather recently because each of them had changed their appearance slightly in the past couple of months. Maybe the argument was staged for the picture?

Booth was better at this stuff, she'd ask him about it in the morning, and maybe let him eat a pear. How many pears could a person eat before hating them? She didn't know, and taking a bite of that one, she still liked them and was in the clear for now.

She locked her office door and went back out to her car, the missing file firmly in her hand and a smile on her face. Santa didn't forget about her today.

The Fifth Day

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

Brennan dragged Booth to her office the minute they came back from interrogating a suspect, she wanted to show him the picture. It sat on her desk, where she left it the night before.

"Okay, this secret Santa stuff needs to stop. How many of those pears have you eaten? They could be poisoned and you're downing them like candy. No more!" Booth scolded. "Those pens could hold a microphone, a video camera or a time bomb. Bones! You can't keep accepting this stuff. Look at that picture. Perfect place to hide something bad. They could listen to you all day, take pictures, then break into the Jeffersonian. You don't know who this creep is, bugging your office." He looked truly concerned with her safety, except his fleeting eyes went to the red piece of paper sitting on her desk, "Are you going to read it?"

"After that speech? Of course! Booth, they're harmless little pens and a picture of my friends. Relax," she smiled and picked up the latest note.

On the fifth day of Christmas my secret Santa gave to me five olden kings, four brawling nerds, three French pens, two purple gloves and a basket of pears for free.

She looked down on her desk and a photograph of the artwork "Five Great Kings." And five pears. Santa must know she really likes the pears.

"Booth, it's beautiful. I've never seen it before, but I love it, I need to have it framed and I have the perfect spot in my apartment for it to hang," she tossed a pear at him, "knock yourself out."

She placed the note on the stack and thought who would know what would look good in her apartment, and that she was looking for something to hang there. Angela. Angela knows about art. Okay, she'd ask Angela tomorrow.

The Sixth Day

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me six geese-a-laying, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

"Hey Ange, do you know 'Five Great Kings?'" Brennan asked, stepping into her best friend's office.

"Did Hodgins hire you? He's been asking about my 'past' for a week now," Angela said, closing the door.

"No, it's an artwork, I got a photograph of it yesterday from my secret Santa and I was just curious if you knew anything about it," Brennan took a seat.

"If you're asking if I'm your secret Santa, the answer is no, sweetie, as for the artwork, I'd love to see it sometime. What was yesterday?"

"Day five… five olden kings… it's an old work and has five kings, apparently," Brennan laughed, "And Booth is convinced that my secret Santa is someone trying to bug my office and break into my home."

"He either knows something or he wishes he knew something. Maybe Booth's your secret Santa. He's trying to freak you out because he knows that's what you'll expect. What did you get today?"

"Nothing yet, Santa always comes when I'm out of my office. I bet he's come and gone by now, since I've been in here, talking to you," Brennan offered and rose from her chair to follow her friend out of Angela's office and into her own office.

Sure enough, a red note sat on the desk.

On the sixth day of Christmas my secret Santa gave to me six police-a-playing, five olden kings, four brawling nerds, three French pens, two purple gloves and a basket of pears for free.

Underneath, of course, had to do with the most recent parody of the song, six CDs by the Police sat, a red string tied around the stack, and a pear on top. Brennan picked up the pear and handed it to Angela along with the red note, "Taste the pear, they're good. I still have some from the basket. Santa's song is kind of cute too," she picked up the stack and began flipping through the CDs. "I don't think I've told anyone this, but I love the Police," Brennan laughed, "I've been meaning to pick up their CDs."

The Seventh Day

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me seven swans-a-swimming, six geese-a-laying, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the morning of the seventh day, Dr. Brennan was called to pick up a package from the delivery guy. Hesitant, since she wasn't expecting anything and Booth's words still fresh in her head, she made her way out of the lab to collect her package.

Upon meeting the delivery man, she signed for a box wrapped in brown paper and a twine string. She carried the box to her office, determined to open it later. She had work to do this morning.

A skeleton had turned up during the night that now lay, awaiting a name, on her lab table. She had no time for Santa games this morning.

Santa, unfortunately had other ideas. She opened her office to six Chia pets on different surfaces of her office. Six. Today was seven.

Pulling at a loose end of the bow on the twine from the box and taking off the paper, she discovered the seventh Chia pet and the red note.

On the seventh day of Christmas my secret Santa gave to me seven lawns-a-trimming, six police-a-playing, five olden kings, four brawling nerds, three French pens, two purple gloves and a basket of pears for free.

Upon further inspection, each Chia pet guarded its own pear. Great, what would she do with seven Chia pets? They were cute, and alive would help the environment because they were plants, but she couldn't care for them all.

Smiling, she walked out to the lab and asked for Cam, Zack, Hodgins, Angela, and Booth (who had just arrived) to step into her office and claim a pet. Booth got two, one for Parker, which left Brennan with one pet. One easy to manage, decorative pet. And one more pear.

She felt that each pear should be kept with its respective Chia pet.

Finally clearing out her office, Brennan sat with her file, writing up characteristics of her skeleton. Santa would not compromise her work.

The Eighth Day

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me eight maids-a-milking, seven swans-a-swimming, six geese-a-laying, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

Angered that she wouldn't be working on her book this morning because, no surprise here, Microsoft was not working properly. Taking that as a sign, she wandered onto the platform and began an analysis of one of her limbo cases.

He was a male about fifty when he died. Although she should feel sad that someone unjustly died, he was fifty and for his time period, that was a full life. She marked her findings and returned to her office for her coat.

Smiling at the red note on her desk, Santa had been there. How he had slipped past her when she was working in the lab was beyond her (although no one else in the lab). Many of her coworkers claimed that once she was into a skeleton, she was into it and nothing would take her out of it.

She picked up the note and read it.

On the eighth day of Christmas my secret Santa gave to me eight upgrades-a-bilking, seven lawns-a-trimming, six police-a-playing, five olden kings, four brawling nerds, three French pens, two purple gloves and a basket of pears for free.

On her desk sat eight discs containing the necessary upgrades for her computer to work. Santa knew about technology. Or knew a couple of nerds who did. Nerds who could sabotage her computer, get her out of her office, and make her feel grateful for the upgrades to fix the 'problems.' Santa was getting pretty resourceful.

She sat down at her desk, Booth's voice ringing in her head about all imaginable traps and installed the first disc.

The Ninth Day

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me nine ladies dancing, eight maids-a-milking, seven swans-a-swimming, six geese-a-laying, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two calling birds and a partridge in a pear tree.

After arriving late to work due to a dental check-up, Brennan rushed through her office to put down her coat and return to work. She needed to make-up for the morning and was sure Booth would take her to lunch.

"Anything new from Santa?" Booth asked, seeing the scientist rushing around the lab.

"I installed software from his present yesterday, I bet they were full of viruses," Brennan said, adding the last part sarcastically.

"Or coping important government files," Booth added.

"And how would such dangerous discs get to my office? Very few people have access. It's someone I know. Who?" Brennan wondered aloud.

"Not a clue. Lunch?" he asked, "I bet when we get back Santa will have struck for today."

And so they went to lunch at the diner. A bit of a habit. It worked for them though. When they returned, as if on cue, or maybe waiting all morning in Brennan's quickened pace looked over, was her ninth Santa present.

She picked up the red note, always red, always eager to read.

On the ninth day of Christmas my secret Santa gave to me nine Hades prancing, eight upgrades-a-bilking, seven lawns-a-trimming, six police-a-playing, five olden kings, four brawling nerds, three French pens, two purple gloves and a basket of pears for free.

"You know, I just noticed that Santa's little song actually sounds like the real one. Try singing it," she held the note out for Booth and began collecting the nine prancing Hades. They were little figures of the devil in a pink leotard and tutu in different dance poses. They were cute and great conversation starters. Someone must think she was really good, to mock the devil like that without worrying she'll end up with him.

"So Santa's a poet, who knew?" he asked, picking up the day's pear and taking a large bite, "Watcha got there?"

"The devil's dancing, they're cute, I should put them out just to see responses," she said, arranging them on a table around a lamp.

The Tenth Day

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me ten lords-a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, seven swans-a-swimming, six geese-a-laying, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

"I have Parker this weekend," Booth said over their afternoon sandwiches, "He's really excited for Christmas. I think I know what I'm getting him," Booth said, wiping some mayonnaise from his mouth.

"Really, what?" Dr. Brennan asked, taking a bite of her own sandwich.

"Shrek the Third or Ratatouille. They're cartoons. Maybe you'd like to see them with us," Booth offered.

"Sure, what are they about?" Brennan asked, chips this time.

"Shrek the Third is about an ogre, Shrek, and he's going to find Arthur, to be the next king of Far Far Away, and Arthur doesn't want to be king, but Shrek doesn't want to be either because his wife, Princess Fiona, is going to have a baby. Ratatouille is about a little mouse, Remy, who can cook like his idol. It's really cute," Booth said and took a drink, "Interested?"

"Yeah, they're interesting. What about Shrek the First and Shrek the Second?"

"We can have a Shrek trilogy evening, watch all three," Booth suggested and looked at his watch, "We'd better get back, I don't want the squint squad getting on me about keeping you out to late."

"And you want to see Santa's gift," Brennan added.

"And that."

After returning to her office, Brennan welcomed the day's red note. It was like a good friend. She picked it up and read it, taking longer today as they kept getting longer.

On the tenth day of Christmas my secret Santa gave to me ten boards worth keeping, nine Hades prancing, eight upgrades-a-bilking, seven lawns-a-trimming, six police-a-playing, five olden kings, four brawling nerds, three French pens, two purple gloves and a basket of pears for free.

On her desk sat in a neat stack ten board games. "Sweet, I love this game," Booth pulled a box from the middle of the stack. The box read, in big letters, "Sorry!"

"I play it with Parker all the time, ours is pretty beat up. Wow. Monopoly, Chutes and Ladders, Clue, Scrabble, Chess, Backgammon, Candy Land, Life, Trivial Pursuit and, well, Sorry!" Booth read all of the boxes in the stack.

"I guess I can come over this weekend and we can have a game weekend. Parker and I versus you, and he can teach me how to play," Brennan suggested, some games she'd never heard of, others she hadn't played in forever.

The Eleventh Day

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me eleven pipers piping, ten lords-a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids-a-milking, seven swans-a-swimming, six geese-a-laying, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

Setting aside the day to go to Booth's and play board games, Brennan didn't go into work that day. She lay in bed and thought what eleventh day Santa gift would she find in her office waiting for her tomorrow.

That's when she realized she was horrible at rhyming and got up to put on a pot of coffee and take a shower.

After drying and dressing and grabbing a cup of coffee, she opened the door to retrieve the paper, only to find a red not on top of it, and a red envelope to match beneath the note, but still on top of the paper. She grabbed the three, carried them inside and settled on the couch with her coffee.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my secret Santa gave to me eleven snipers griping, ten boards worth keeping, nine Hades prancing, eight upgrades-a-bilking, seven lawns-a-trimming, six police-a-playing, five olden kings, four brawling nerds, three French pens, two purple gloves and a basket of pears for free.

Next came the envelope. A number of possibilities could be in there. Snipers griping. Booth? Booth was a sniper.

Sure enough, eleven pictures of Booth griping, complaining about random things that she'd done. She could tell by the expression on his face. She smiled. Booth. Booth the Griper. Booth!

She had to finish getting ready if they were going to fit in two movies and ten board games. She finished her coffee and set of in search of her shoes.

The Twelfth Day

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids-a-milking, seven swans-a-swimming, six geese-a-laying, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

She awoke with a plastic game piece stuck to her face and a little body laying somewhat on top of her own. She had fallen asleep at Booth's watching Shrek 2, and stayed there all night. Santa, the real one, had also come during the night, and Booth sat next to her asleep. At some point during the night he must have gotten up and arranged the gifts.

"Parker, buddy, wake up, it's Christmas," Brennan gently shook the boy to wake him up, "Santa came," she added.

His head popped up and his eyes opened wide and looked at the tree, then turned to his other side and began shaking his father, "Daddy! Daddy! It's Christmas! Santa came!" he exclaimed and ran over to the pile of presents. "Dr. Bones, there's one for you, too," he said and pulled a wrapped box from under the tree with a red note attached.

How'd it get here? Unless… of course! Booth was Santa the whole time. If he wasn't he probably would have thrown out the potentially dangerous gifts a while ago, but he already knew they were safe, so he only put on the outrage for show.

She opened the red note, somewhat expecting it to reveal Santa, but instead, the song continued.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my secret Santa gave to me twelve Plumbers' plumbing, eleven snipers griping, ten boards worth keeping, nine Hades prancing, eight upgrades-a-bilking, seven lawns-a-trimming, six police-a-playing, five olden kings, four brawling nerds, three French pens, two purple gloves and a basket of pears for free.

She smiled and opened the package. It was a painting done by the Twelve Plumber Brothers of the depths of the ocean, and it had a beautiful dolphin as its focus. She looked over at Booth, who had been watching her the whole time.

She got up and put her arms around him and planted a kiss on his lips, "Thank you. The painting is gorgeous, the daily gifts have been fun and you played along even though you knew it was you all along. Thank you. This has been the best Christmas in a long time."

"You're welcome," is all he could answer before her lips captured his again.


	2. Encore: Seeley the GMan

Due to the popularity of my 12 days of christmas parody... I'd try my luck with a couple more holiday favorites. This one is to "Frosty the Snowman"_

* * *

_

Seeley the G-Man

It was Christmas morning, and Parker was already shaking him to wake. Agent Booth rolled over and looked at the clock. Four. In the morning.

"Daddy, it's christmas," the six-year-old said proudly, remembering.

"That it is, buddy. Did you wake Bones?" he asked, sitting up.

"She was up before me," Parker said, pulling at his father's hand and dragging him down the stairs.

Sitting neatly on his chair was a nicely wrapped, rectangular box. A red piece of paper was attached to it. The same paper he used last year for Bones' present. He unfolded it and read what she had to write.

_Seeley the G-Man was a jolly happy soul_

_With a service stripe and a button nose_

_And two ties made of boll_

_Seeley the G-man is a merry male they say_

_He was made of glow but Brennan_

_Knows how he came to strife her one day_

_There must have been some magic in that_

_Old drown rat they ground_

_For when he arrested him and said,_

_"I guess I'll see you around"_

_O_

_Seeley the G-Man_

_Was alive as he could be_

_And Brennan said he could work_

_And play just the same as you and me_

_Thumpetty thump thump_

_Thumpetty thump thump_

_Look at Seeley go_

_Thumpetty thump thump_

_Thumpetty thump thump_

_Through the thrills of flow_

_Seeley the G-man knew_

_The case was hard that day_

_So he said,_

_"Let's eat and_

_We'll have a ton_

_Now before we cause delay."_

_Down to the diner_

_With his ball cap in his hand_

_Driving here and there_

_All around D.C. saying,_

_"Try and guess my plan"_

_He led her to the ice cream clown _

_Next to the food shop_

_But he waved goodbye saying,_

_"Don't you cry_

_I'll just go to therapy today"_

_Thumpetty thump thump_

_Thumpetty thump thump_

_Look at Seeley go_

_Thumpetty thump thump_

_Thumpetty thump thump_

_Through the thrills of flow_

With a chuckle he laid the paper down, "Cute. I love it." He started at with a corner of the wrapping and soon had the present opened. Inside was a picture of his Bones and his son on Santa's lap. A smile spread across Booth's face as he pulled Bones in for a kiss. He loved Christmas.


	3. Bonus Track: The Rumor Mill

This one is from the song "Do you hear what I hear?" and I call it "The Rumor Mill". Can you guess who each one is? The first is a little obvious. No real story part for this one either._

* * *

_

_Said the night wind to our boss Cam,  
do you see what I see  
Right here in the nigh, boss Cam,  
do you see what I see  
A car, a car, romancing in the night  
With a tale as long as a flight  
With a tale as long as a flight _

Said our boss Cam to the microbe boy,  
do you hear what I hear  
Ringing through the lab, microbe boy,  
do you hear what I hear  
A throng, a throng, outside where they'll freeze  
With a choice as deep as the sea  
With a choice as deep as the sea

Said the microbe boy to his mighty fling,  
do you know what I know  
In our palace warm, mighty fling,  
do you know what I know  
A wild, a wild occurs by the bold  
Let us leave them in the cold  
Let us leave them in the cold  
Said the fling to the people everywhere,  
listen to what I say  
I want a niece, people everywhere!  
listen to what I say  
The pair, the pair, creeping in the night  
They will bring us gossip and might  
They will bring us gossip and might 


End file.
